"When we know WHY we do what we do everything falls into place; when we don't, we have to push things into place" -Simon Sinek

 The end of the year is, for a lot of people, a time of looking back and looking ahead.  This year, I find myself thinking a lot about both--how the last year has been a year of huge change and transition for me and how the year ahead will be shaped by my journey of service.  

As I finished up my first term of school and I started thinking about what goals I have for the next term, I was brought back to my why.  BTW: if you haven't read Start with Why, I encourage you to pick it up.   Why am I doing this?  One of my whys is simply because the call to service was so loud that I couldn't ignore it.  But another why is that I wanted to challenge myself in new ways while giving and sharing of myself.   It's the why  that helps me get through the hard times.  And as I've talked about, this experience has been hard in a lot of ways.  There were certain things that I knew would be hard--and they have been hard.  Being away from family and friends and familiar culture.  Missing big life events at home--I've had three friends get engaged and one family member pass since I left.   Gonna be honest--it really sucks to be here instead of there for all of those things.  Then there are all the things that are hard as hell that I didn't see coming.  I had no idea that school would be so hard on a physical, mental, and emotional level--and this is coming from someone who is acutely aware of those costs in my usual job.  I really underestimated how deeply I would be challenged as a woman, scientist, and teacher every single day.  

But in the midst of the hard, there has been much good.  The other PCVs who have become so important to me--they are friends for life.  Getting to work with students in this new and challenging way and sharing in their successes.  Living in a beautiful place.  Learning so much about myself--both in terms of my strengths, but also more about my weaknesses.  Being humbled and using that to gain clarity on the things that matter to me and why they matter to me.  I think that I am generally a pretty self-reflective and self-aware person (thank you Alverno, IYKYK), but this experience has really taken it to a whole new level.  In reality, it's probably due not only to the challenges pushing me, but also to the fact that I have SO much time to be self-reflective.  So many gifts, truly.  

I hope that your holiday season is filled with so much joy, love, and peace.  Sending you so much love from St. Lucia, along with a little "year in review" video.  💗💗💗