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"The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure that you seek" - Joseph Campbell

 First post of 2024!  In my last post, I mentioned how I had been thinking a lot about my why.  In the intervening weeks, I've found myself thinking about this experience in a different framework--Joseph Campbell's Hero's Journey (this came up during a zoom with Joyce and I can't get it out of my head!).  For those of you who aren't familiar with it, Joseph Campbell's monomyth model is an often-used framework for writing fiction.  There are several versions of the model, but I'm going to use the 6 stage model.  The 6 stages are: setting forth (the call), threshold, world of unfamiliar (road of trials), nadir (abyss), return threshold, and rebirth/return.  Y'all know I love my Star Wars, and so I could not pass up the opportunity to use Luke Skywalker to illustrate the model.  You'll also know what scene comes to mind in regard to the quote opening this post.  😆  

Looking back through my posts, I think I've covered the first three stages over the past seven months.  I am definitely on the road of trials and during holiday break I found myself wondering if I was in the abyss.  The break was definitely my lowest point since starting this adventure.  I had hoped that by staying in my community for the holiday season that I would be able to experience a Lucian Christmas season.  But that was not the case; I was alone for the whole break.  Side note: I have learned that I am not unique in this experience, other volunteers had the same.  While I do not celebrate Christmas, I do celebrate the holiday season and have traditions with family and friends.  So to not have any of that was really, really hard.  Due to the buses (or lack thereof on holidays), I couldn't get together with my PCV friends.  Even though I'm someone who loves her alone time, it was too much alone time.  I was really looking forward to going back to school.  

The first couple weeks of the semester have been pretty rough.  Some things happened during planning week that were just really uncomfortable and hurtful.  The first week of classes turned to chaos because both grade 2 teachers were out for the 1st two days and I was left with all the students (and no, I am not supposed to function as a substitute teacher).  One teacher has returned, but we still have all of the students squished into one classroom (we are cramped when we have our 23 in there) due to a structural issue in the other classroom.  The students have that "back from break" frenetic energy that is especially hard to deal with when they are stacked on top of each other.  

While I feel like I'm in a nadir, there are some bright spots.  It is good to be back at school--to have a schedule and to be around other people.  I am thankful for my counterpart teacher--having someone next to you makes all the difference in the world.  I did get to talk to the principal about two projects that I wanted to get started, and she gave the green light for both.  More details on those to follow in up coming weeks as they hopefully get off the ground!  

So am I in the abyss?  I'm not sure; experience has taught me that its only when I get out of the cave that I truly have clarity about being in the cave.  Overall, I want you all to know that I'm not stressed, I'm not sad, I feel mentally and emotionally well (being back at work has worked wonders).  I am exercising every day before work, I continue my meditation, mindfulness, and gratitude practices.  I am thankful to "past Amie" who invested in self-care and made it so that I am well-equipped to care for myself.  And I am SO VERY THANKFUL to all of you--for everyone who has been zooming with me, messaging, etc.  You are my Obi-Wan, Han, Chewie, and Leia (IYKYK).  💓💓💓💓💓

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