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"Ask for help. Not because you are weak. But because you want to remain strong." - Les Brown

 I've said before how I intend for this blog to be a place where I share the whole of my experience rather than just giving you the Instagram stories.  The reality of life--any life--is that it is not all (or even mostly) sunshine and rainbows.  And while I have had a lot of incredible, amazing, and joyful experiences since moving to St. Lucia, there are a lot of things that are not any of those.  

This second term of school has been really hard for a variety of reasons.  While I'm committed to being open, honest, and transparent in this space, there are things that I just can't share here in any detail.  I can paint with broad strokes and say that the amount of secondary trauma I'm experiencing at school has increased significantly.  Initially, I think I was managing quite well.  As a college professor, I've dealt with secondary trauma for some time.  However, the key difference is that those students were adults--and it took me a long time to figure out how to manage my secondary trauma in those situations.  But now, I'm dealing with kids--little kids that are only 7 or 8 years old and experiencing things that no kid should experience.  Turns out I don't have the best set of tools for managing this trauma on my own...

Which brings me to this post's opening quote--I asked for help, professional help.  As a volunteer, I have access to a few different options to help me care for my mental health; I have availed myself of those resources.  Why am I sharing all of this with you?  Aside from wanting to share the whole of my experience, I also want to normalize using mental health professionals.  I have zero shame in sharing this part of my journey with you all and perhaps my sharing will prompt one person to take this step for themselves or to encourage someone they know to care for their mental health.  

The opening quote resonates with me because one of my main reasons for reaching out was because I want to remain strong so that I can complete my service to the best of my ability.   In the interest of reassuring you all, know that I am not depressed, anxious, or even stressed, really.  I continue all my self-care practices and have been getting excellent sleep.  But I feel that my mind spends a lot of time in a negative space, which is 1) not like me at all; and 2) a place I can usually get out of myself.  Bottom line--I just don't feel like myself and I know that a professional can help me learn and develop tools to manage this secondary trauma in a healthy way.  

As I said at the start, life has dark and light--I've shared some of the dark, so I'll close with some light.  These are  pictures from our Valentine's day celebration at school.  The photos show me with my two grade 2 teachers, me with my "secret Valentines", and the whole group (my eyes are closed, of course).  I also hosted a "Galentine's Day" party at my home for myself and the other 2 volunteers who live in this area, which was a lot of fun.  💓💓



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