Skip to main content

"Ask for help. Not because you are weak. But because you want to remain strong." - Les Brown

 I've said before how I intend for this blog to be a place where I share the whole of my experience rather than just giving you the Instagram stories.  The reality of life--any life--is that it is not all (or even mostly) sunshine and rainbows.  And while I have had a lot of incredible, amazing, and joyful experiences since moving to St. Lucia, there are a lot of things that are not any of those.  

This second term of school has been really hard for a variety of reasons.  While I'm committed to being open, honest, and transparent in this space, there are things that I just can't share here in any detail.  I can paint with broad strokes and say that the amount of secondary trauma I'm experiencing at school has increased significantly.  Initially, I think I was managing quite well.  As a college professor, I've dealt with secondary trauma for some time.  However, the key difference is that those students were adults--and it took me a long time to figure out how to manage my secondary trauma in those situations.  But now, I'm dealing with kids--little kids that are only 7 or 8 years old and experiencing things that no kid should experience.  Turns out I don't have the best set of tools for managing this trauma on my own...

Which brings me to this post's opening quote--I asked for help, professional help.  As a volunteer, I have access to a few different options to help me care for my mental health; I have availed myself of those resources.  Why am I sharing all of this with you?  Aside from wanting to share the whole of my experience, I also want to normalize using mental health professionals.  I have zero shame in sharing this part of my journey with you all and perhaps my sharing will prompt one person to take this step for themselves or to encourage someone they know to care for their mental health.  

The opening quote resonates with me because one of my main reasons for reaching out was because I want to remain strong so that I can complete my service to the best of my ability.   In the interest of reassuring you all, know that I am not depressed, anxious, or even stressed, really.  I continue all my self-care practices and have been getting excellent sleep.  But I feel that my mind spends a lot of time in a negative space, which is 1) not like me at all; and 2) a place I can usually get out of myself.  Bottom line--I just don't feel like myself and I know that a professional can help me learn and develop tools to manage this secondary trauma in a healthy way.  

As I said at the start, life has dark and light--I've shared some of the dark, so I'll close with some light.  These are  pictures from our Valentine's day celebration at school.  The photos show me with my two grade 2 teachers, me with my "secret Valentines", and the whole group (my eyes are closed, of course).  I also hosted a "Galentine's Day" party at my home for myself and the other 2 volunteers who live in this area, which was a lot of fun.  💓💓



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"allow it to end with grace and an open mind for a new day" -Brendon Burchard

 Full quote:  It's official--my close of service (COS) date is July 5, 2025, which means I have less than 6 months left!  I know that a lot of volunteers talk about how hard it is to think about leaving and returning home.  I am definitely not one of these volunteers.  Don't misunderstand me--I am deeply thankful for this experience and I remain glad that I did this.  I have learned so much about so many things, including myself.   But simultaneously, I am feeling very, very ready to be done.  There are a multitude of reasons, most of which are best left unsaid in this forum.   I remain deeply commited to being present and finishing my projects.  There are still roadblocks beyond my control holding up a big part of the library project.  While I really want to see these pieces come to fruition, I've also made peace with the fact that they might not get done before I leave.  It's the reality of the situation and I've do...
Post a Comment
Read more

"Sometimes you gotta take a break from all the noise to appreciate the beauty of silence" -Robert Tew

We have made it (almost) to the end of term 1 at school.  Students finished exams last week and after exams instruction stops.  So for the last week and a half of the term, its a bit more of a free-for-all than usual at school as teachers are trying to do their grading and the kids are left mostly to their own devices.  I was hoping to use this time to make some big leaps forward on my library projects, but there's been another bump in the road--and that's a whole story that I'm not going to get into right now.  What I am going to get into is saying goodbye for a few weeks.  I'll be back here sometime early in the new year.  I'm going to be traveling to WI for most of break (as many leave days as I could spare).  My plan is to relax, sleep with a blanket (!), run in the cold, cook, bake, eat, and drink.  I need this trip to be a chill one, so I'm just hanging with family.  To all my WI friends--I miss you and will visit you when I return to t...
Post a Comment
Read more

“Let your curiosity be greater than your fear”. -Pema Chodron

 I’ve made it to the last week of my service.  Over the last few weeks, I’ve had people in different spaces asking me for my words of wisdom, one piece of advice, lessons learned, etc.  In all honesty, I feel like I need time away from here to process and get to a point where I can better articulate any substantive insights.  That said, this quote from Pema Chodron has been dancing around in my brain for some time.  I am so grateful that I took this journey—even with all of its struggles and challenges.  There were many times when I could have given in to fear—of the unknown, of a new place, of a new culture, of my ability to deal with what was in front of me—but I let curiosity guide me rather than the fear.  I stand now on the other side filled with thanks, some relief, joy, and excitement. Let me share some of what’s been happening lately in this era of transition… In May, my entire cohort from across the Eastern Caribbean came back together for our...
1 comment
Read more