Skip to main content

"Ask for help. Not because you are weak. But because you want to remain strong." - Les Brown

 I've said before how I intend for this blog to be a place where I share the whole of my experience rather than just giving you the Instagram stories.  The reality of life--any life--is that it is not all (or even mostly) sunshine and rainbows.  And while I have had a lot of incredible, amazing, and joyful experiences since moving to St. Lucia, there are a lot of things that are not any of those.  

This second term of school has been really hard for a variety of reasons.  While I'm committed to being open, honest, and transparent in this space, there are things that I just can't share here in any detail.  I can paint with broad strokes and say that the amount of secondary trauma I'm experiencing at school has increased significantly.  Initially, I think I was managing quite well.  As a college professor, I've dealt with secondary trauma for some time.  However, the key difference is that those students were adults--and it took me a long time to figure out how to manage my secondary trauma in those situations.  But now, I'm dealing with kids--little kids that are only 7 or 8 years old and experiencing things that no kid should experience.  Turns out I don't have the best set of tools for managing this trauma on my own...

Which brings me to this post's opening quote--I asked for help, professional help.  As a volunteer, I have access to a few different options to help me care for my mental health; I have availed myself of those resources.  Why am I sharing all of this with you?  Aside from wanting to share the whole of my experience, I also want to normalize using mental health professionals.  I have zero shame in sharing this part of my journey with you all and perhaps my sharing will prompt one person to take this step for themselves or to encourage someone they know to care for their mental health.  

The opening quote resonates with me because one of my main reasons for reaching out was because I want to remain strong so that I can complete my service to the best of my ability.   In the interest of reassuring you all, know that I am not depressed, anxious, or even stressed, really.  I continue all my self-care practices and have been getting excellent sleep.  But I feel that my mind spends a lot of time in a negative space, which is 1) not like me at all; and 2) a place I can usually get out of myself.  Bottom line--I just don't feel like myself and I know that a professional can help me learn and develop tools to manage this secondary trauma in a healthy way.  

As I said at the start, life has dark and light--I've shared some of the dark, so I'll close with some light.  These are  pictures from our Valentine's day celebration at school.  The photos show me with my two grade 2 teachers, me with my "secret Valentines", and the whole group (my eyes are closed, of course).  I also hosted a "Galentine's Day" party at my home for myself and the other 2 volunteers who live in this area, which was a lot of fun.  💓💓



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver

Welcome and thank you for checking out my blog.  I am excited to share my Peace Corps journey with you all!   When I tell people that I'm going to serve in the Peace Corps, there is usually an initial reaction of "that's really great" followed by something along the lines of "and at your age!"  It's true--I am in definitely in the minority in terms of age when it comes to volunteers--only about 7% of volunteers are over 50.  Serving was something that I wanted to do after college, but for several reasons, the time wasn't right.  Fast forward a couple decades and I find myself called to service and in a place personally and professionally where I am able to answer the call.   So in just a couple months, I'll pack everything into a storage unit and move to the Eastern Caribbean for twenty-seven months.  I'll be serving as an English literacy resource volunteer in a primary school.   Watch this space--my goal is to share my experiences...
5 comments
Read more

“The most valuable thing we can do for the psyche, occasionally, is to let it rest, wander, live in the changing light of room, not try to be or do anything whatever.” ― May Sarton

 I’m writing this on the last day of our spring break.  We had two weeks off, and for reasons that are a whole story in and of themselves, I couldn’t travel off island.  So here I’ve been—all too aware of the last time I had so much time off of work and how I ended up in a not-so-awesome mental space.  But this time was different—I made a very deliberate choice to engage in “conscious escapism”.  Usually, escapism is a mechanism to avoid dealing with reality and the feelings associated with reality.  Conscious escapism, in contrast, recognizes the feelings and emotions followed by temporary solace in your activities of choice.   For me, that has meant that every day I’m still practicing mindfulness and meditation, but then I just sort of “checked out” for the majority of the day by watching telly or reading.  I did spend some time working on projects for my return to PLU because I’ve missed that work and it nourishes me in a way that nothing here ...
2 comments
Read more

"Adopt the pace of nature; her secret is patience" Ralph Waldo Emerson

When I decided to apply to serve in the Peace Corps (PC), I knew that it was going to be a lengthy process.  It was late in 2020, the COVID-19 pandemic surged ahead, and I was still doing my job from my living room.  There were a lot of uncertainties--not only in my life, but for everyone, everywhere.   One of the positive outcomes of the pandemic was that Peace Corps had a lot of online panels, workshops, and meeting opportunities.  I took full advantage of these!  In addition to attending panels with returned Peace Corps Volunteers (RPCVs), I also went to online office hours with my local PC recruiter from Seattle.  PC provided a fantastic resume and personal statement workshop; and the local recruiter read over both and gave me feedback.  I also got feedback from colleagues; for anyone thinking about applying, I  strongly encourage  you to solicit impact from multiple folks on your application materials.  I finally submitted my...
5 comments
Read more